I feel like I can only remember the last few weeks of this year. The weeks that I've been waiting for in a sense. All of us together in this house playing, cooking, eating, sleeping, teasing, caring. Being together. But just like last year, as I think a little harder, season by season, child by child, I can make out the changes, the growth, the moments and the in-between that made 2010 what is was.
In 2010:
:: I made as much as I could and when it still wasn't enough, I asked for help
:: That's new, but it welcomed new employees to my business and new friends to my flock
:: I've decided on some things that I simply don't want to do with my time, so I hired someone for that too
:: I am now sure that if my work doesn't allow for personal creation time, that I must take it by force, and I did that a few times
:: I killed so many situations with kindness that my cheeks are killing me from smiling
:: I determined that its still the best policy
:: My cheeks will get stronger, along with perhaps deeper laugh lines
:: For the first time I spent a lot of money on a bottle of fancy face cream for the above
:: I am not sure I noticed a difference
:: I painted 3 rooms of my house
:: Four, if you count that one wall in the living room
:: I dreamed on and on about more that I want to do with this house of ours
:: I planted tomatoes for the first time, and learned a bit to do a better job next time
:: I kept meaning to dig more and to plant more
:: I mostly tended to my flowers on fabric
:: We were gripped, heart and soul, as we watched our neighbors' belongings wash away in a flood
:: I was gripped then again, by the kindness and generosity that hundreds of strangers have shown to my neighbors by participating in my little quilting effort
:: I read letters that came with the donated blocks- they were of hope, love, and loss
:: I met and spent two days sewing with some wonderful women to assemble thousands of blocks into (what will be) more than 150 quilts
:: I learned that a sewing circle can be created in your neighborhood and it can also be created across thousands of miles. Its the same.
:: I delivered 37 quilts to families in need (so far)
:: I held out my hands to welcome the first steps of my youngest son, and we crashed to the floor in proud giggles, fixing every problem that I had that day and every day in my life, in the process
:: I've watched this boy affirm his place in our family and blossom a personality that we could have never guessed
:: When that personality hit the dog on the head with hard objects I steered it towards kindness
:: Leo is happy for the above
:: I watched my two younger girls form a team of sorts in almost every thing they do
:: I watched my older two boys wrestle with their friendship, and separate into two rooms
:: I watched all my children care for their little brother without being asked to, as its just now in their nature
:: I paid college tuition
:: Wow (regarding the above)
:: I wondered how I would survive with my first baby at college
:: I cried and I cried and I cried
:: Then we did it
:: And I cried some more
:: I ached as I watched little Roman kiss his sister's Skyped face on the computer screen
:: And then, as evidenced by my writing here today, I survived it
:: I owe every ounce of that survival to my husband, who is so solid, and so loving, and so understanding, that I forget he is a separate person sometimes
:: Our girl survived it too, beautifully
:: As recently as three days ago, I stared right through an orthopedist as he told me that Nicolas's broken ankle from a crumbled skateboarding trick, would require surgery and two screws to avoid arthritis before he is 25 (I had driven away from the skate park feeling wrong)
:: As soon as I heard the phone ring, I knew it was him, hurt
:: I listened to a dozen doctors, nurses, anesthetists, stayed awake, prayed, waited in 3 different waiting rooms, felt guilty, and a little helpless, though these are not new circumstances to us after 6 children
:: Once he was sewn up, casted, home, fine, not in any pain and everything was over, I decided it was time for me to sob and be scared as I went off to a hard, deep sleep
:: That's not a new occurrence either
:: And with that surgery behind us, we are all, without a doubt, intact
:: My dear love decided my motherly efforts for the past few days were worth a bouquet (and I didn't even have to live through this to get it)
:: I was happy to have this beauty to consider, prune, trim, arrange, design and marvel at, allowing it to also be what it is, if not just a little better in my eyes, with my encouragement ~ just like my year
A hard wind is blowing outside today, marking the last day of 2010 with sparkling sun and unnatural warmth. My heart is filled up, ready to release, then fill again with what our next year holds. I thank you for your visits here, I wish you every bit of love and warmth to begin the new year with happiness, hope and inspiration!
Be well, and Happy New Year!! xoxo, Anna Maria
